Attack of the Decorations

When a Dog Sees a Doe

Majestic and grand

In the twilight she stands

Such a creature as I’ve never seen.

She stops and she stares

Blinks brown eyes and flicks ears

Such a silence there never has been.

Then she turns and she glides

And the grass gives a sigh

And the forest has taken her in.

Suit Case Snafu: From the Memoirs of a Guinea Pig. Guest Post

            I can’t see. Something pushes into me from all sides. I fight the rising panic and wait for my eyes to adjust to the dark. As my vision adjusts, I can make out heads and faces. Blank eyes stare at me wherever I look. I push into one with my whole body. It gives way with a rustling of pellets. I shove my body the other way into a dog like creature and it does the same thing. In front of me stands a rhino shape. I take a gulp of stale air and forge ahead. My face collides with a soft horn and a forgiving face.

            Taking another breath, I start to calm down. Think. What’s the last thing you remember? The stuffed creatures stare back at me as I piece together what’s going on. I take a step back and my foot hits something prickly. I study it and realize it’s Ilana’s hair brush. In a rush, memories come back to me.

            Ilana, Ellie, and Stephanie were packing Ilana’s back pack for her sleepover at Stephanie’s. They put her pajamas, change of clothes, tooth brush, and hair brush in the bag. Then they dumped some beanie babies in. Ilana turned around and saw me watching her from my cage. I chewed on the bars so she’d take me out.

            “Abby!” Ilana cried, “Do you want to be packed too?” She opened the cage and scooped me out. She snuggled and kissed me and then put me in the sack with the stuffed animals. Stephanie zipped the sack. All the girls were laughing. I heard the muffled voice of Mom call the girls down for dinner. There was a rush of noise and then all was silent. I thought about squeaking, but decided to wait since no one would hear me and took a nap instead.

            Ilana’s muffled voice gets louder as she nears the backpack. “Let me just grab my stuff!” she calls. I’m about to give her a reminder squeak so she’ll put me back, when my footing slips out from under me. The squeak dies in my throat as Ilana lifts the bag and I tumble around inside. I’m glad the beanie babies are there for cushioning.

            I feel Ilana swing the sack onto her shoulder and then bounce down the stairs. I’m hit with a wave of cold as she leaves the house, saying bye to her parents and Ellie. The temperature shifts again as I’m swung, in the bag, up into a car and land with a thud on what must be a seat. I can hear the girls chatter as they climb in next to me and Stephanie’s mom asking them to please buckle in.

            I push the dog stuffed animal off me and try again to squeak a warning to Ilana but my voice is drowned by the radio and I sit back as the car rumbles to life and I am pulled farther and farther away from my nice, cozy cage. If only Ilana knew I was here…

            “Mom, is Mike getting the movie we asked for?” I hear Stephanie say.

            “Yep,” her mom says. “He should be home before us though. We have to stop and take care of Ashley’s cats first. Remember?”

            “Oh yeah.”

            “Ilana, you don’t mind stopping do you?” Stephanie’s mom asks.

            “Nope,” Ilana says.

My heart sinks. Cats! She’s ok with cats! What’s going on? Ilana can’t like cats. Cats eat little guys like me. I freeze. I’m remembering something. The fur on my back raises and my whiskers stand out. Stephanie has cats. I’m going to be brought into a house that has cats. And if they find me before Ilana does—.

Nope. I shake my head. That’s just not going to happen. I have to find a way to get out of this back pack or be heard by Ilana. And that’s that!

            The car comes to a stop and the temperature shifts again as the engine turns off. The girls bump my bag as they scramble out of the car and head to where I assume Ashley’s cats are. I huddle with the beanie babies and fluff myself up as much as I can. I wish I had a tail to drape across my cold nose.

            When I’m pretty sure that in one more minute I would have frozen, I hear the beep of the car unlocking and the chatter of Ilana and Stephanie as they clamber into their seats. Come on, come on, I think. Turn the heat on! Finally the car is on and the heat vents roar to life. I can feel them through the fabric of the backpack. I spend the rest of the drive to Stephanie’s house warming up and thinking about how to escape the sack.

            When the car stops this time, I’m flung upside down as Ilana grabs her bag and carries it into Stephanie’s house. My heart is pounding so loud that I’m sure the cats will hear it if they don’t smell me first. Ilana tosses the bag on what I guess is Stephanie’s bed and then there’s silence. They must be watching the movie.

            I right myself and my eye catches the zipper line of the backpack. I wade through stuffed animals and clothes to the wall of the bag and nibble on the zipper seam. Testing for weaknesses, I follow the seam along the edge until I find a frayed thread. Getting a good grip of the thread in my teeth, I pull. Nothing happens. I adjust my grip and pull again. A slight budge! I pull until the thread comes out. Now there is enough of a gap for me to start chewing through the seam.

            I’m in the middle of chewing when I hear a rustle and then feel the ground beneath me shake slightly. I sniff through the tiny hole I’ve made. The smell of fish and milk and something I can’t place hits my nose. Cat! Panic fills my body. I need to run or yell for Ilana, but I can’t move my legs and my voice has escaped me. The roof of the backpack is suddenly pushed in, inches from where I stand. A heart shaped nose fills my tiny peep hole. I seem to be pulled along with the strong sniff it takes.

            “Humm, not mouse,” The owner of the nose hisses. “Not rat.”

            The backpack ceiling is pushed in again, narrowly missing me. “What rodents do humans keep as pets?” another cat voice hisses.

            That breaks my fear. “I’m not a rodent!” I shout through the bag. Immediately I regret my outburst as my roof is pounded again. This time a claw makes it through the fabric. I shrink into a ball.

            “Whatever it is, it smells tasty.” one of them says.

            I close my eyes, waiting for the next blow. But it never comes. Ilana’s voice drifts to my ears as she walks into the room. Now that I have a hole, I can clearly hear what she’s saying. “You lost him? How could you. You’re so dumb. You better find him or else!”

            “What happened?” I hear Stephanie ask.

            “Ellie can’t find Abby,” Ilana’s voice quivers. She sits down on the bed and bounces the sack. I can’t smell the cats anymore. They must have disappeared when the girls walked in.

            “I’m sure they’ll find him,” Stephanie’s mom says. “Why don’t you girls get ready for bed and then you can call your parents for an update?”

            The bag begins to unzip. I never thought I would be so happy to hear a ripping noise. Light streaks into my vision as the backpack is opened. “Abby?” Ilana stares down at me. Her eyes are red and her cheeks are streaked with tear lines. “Abby!” she repeats. She lifts me up and snuggles me. I purr at her and lick her salty cheek. “Abby, you scared me so much. I thought I’d lost you.” Ilana hugs me so tight my eyes pop. But I’ve never been happier to see her either.

            “You scared me too!” I tell her, but she only hears me squeak.

            “Oh yeah,” Stephanie says, “We were pretending to pack him.”

            “I guess you really did,” her mom sighs, “You girls should really be more careful.”

            Ilana puts me on her lap and looks at Stephanie’s mom. “I guess I better call my parents.”

            Stephanie’s mom hands her the phone. Ilana dials. “Hi Mom, um, we found Abby. I accidentally packed him. Can someone come and get him?”

            I strain to hear the other end of the conversation, but the phone is too far away from me.

            “Can I talk to Ellie?” Ilana says. There’s a pause. Ellie must now be on the phone because Ilana starts again, “I’m uh sorry I yelled at you.” She scratches behind my ears as she talks. “It wasn’t your fault he was lost.” She says a little more, then hangs up the phone. Handing it back to Stephanie’s mom, she says, “My dad and Ellie are coming to get him. They’re leaving now.”

            Stephanie’s mom nods. “Okay, in the meantime, I’ll get you a towel to hold him in.” She leaves the room and returns with a towel. Then leaves again.

            Ilana wraps me in the towel and Stephanie closes the door so the cats can’t get in. they change into their pajamas and take turns holding me until Dad and Ellie come to get me. When I’m handed off to Ellie, her face is as red and tear streaked as Ilana’s. I lick her cheek and purr at her too. Dad puts me in my shoebox carrier, complete with a warm towel and breathing holes poked in lid.

            “I love you Abby,” Ilana calls. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            The ride home is faster and much more comfortable than the ride to the sleepover was. When we get home, Ellie kisses me and Dad puts me back in my cage. Mom gives me and my neighbor Aggie some fresh veggies as a treat for my ordeal. I squeak my thanks. Then the humans leave the room and Aggie and I are bathed in moonlight.

            “So where were you?” Aggie asks.

            “On an adventure,” I tell her.

            “Sounds exciting!” She leans closer to the bars.

            “Exciting is not exactly the word I would use…”

About the Memoirs of a Guinea Pig

Long before I had a dog, I had a guinea pig named Abby who acted like a dog. I prefer to think it’s because he knew how much I wanted one. Abby was originally named Abigail because we thought he was a girl when we got him. When he turned out to be a boy, the name Abby had already stuck. Besides having a confusing name, Abby had pink eyes but wasn’t an albino since his markings were tan and white, not pure white. Abby has been gone from this world for a long time, but the stories of his escapades live on in his memoirs. Mika and I have decided that these stories should be shared. To that end, occasionally there will be a “guest post” from Abby’s memoirs. We hope you enjoy his stories as much as we do.

Goodie Four Paws

            “Don’t you eat that on my couch!” Ilana yells from the kitchen as I head towards the living room with my treat. My mouth is full of rubber, but I can almost taste the peanut butter stuffed inside the toy. The delicious nutty scent wafts to my nose and I start to salivate. Drips of drool leave a trail as I try to find a place to enjoy my snack.

            I can hear Scottie still in the kitchen, licking the peanut butter out of his KONG. That’s what Ilana calls the rubber toys she stuff the peanut butter in. She says they’re shaped like a bee hive, but I wouldn’t know if that’s true since the only thing about bees I’m an expert on is honey. Honey…

Wait! Peanut butter! Scottie just takes his treats and devours them right there and then. I don’t even think he swallows half the time. You can’t rush these things. You have to savor them, in a nice cozy spot—. I stand in the living room and survey my options. Hard wood floor, no. Couch. So inviting…I lean towards the couch.

            “Uh uh Mika! You know better!” Ilana stops me in my tracks. How does she even know what I’m going to do? There’s a wall in between us.

            I shake my head and turn to the big comfy chair. That seems like a good option. Ilana didn’t say anything about eating on the chair.

            “And don’t even think about the chair either!” the voice carries from the kitchen.

            “Humph!” I leave the living room and stalk through the rest of the house in search of the perfect treat devouring spot. Another couch, nope. A bed? Nope. I test the rug near the back doors, but it’s just not cozy enough.

            Finally I settle in Scottie’s crate. It’s nice and padded in there with a big blanket. And the munching and purring coming from the guinea pig cage above adds to the ambiance. I settle down and try to enjoy my treat.

            I hear Ilana come out of the kitchen and settle at the dining room table to do her art. I shake myself and concentrate on my treat. Holding the KONG down with both paws, I’m able to keep it in one place as I lick the peanut butter. But I just can’t get comfortable enough. Couch, couch, couch keeps running through my head. Like it’s whispering to me. I try to ignore it but the pull is too strong.

            As if I don’t have control of my own body, I pick up my treat in my mouth and sneak to the couch. I’m careful not to let my nails click on the floor so Ilana doesn’t notice me. Almost there…

            Yes! I’m up on the couch. Giving Ilana one eye to make sure she’s none the wiser, I begin to enjoy my treat.

            Time passes and Ilana still hasn’t noticed me. Scottie comes out licking his lips and settles on the floor at Ilana’s feet. She reaches down to pat him. I wince, waiting for her to notice me, but she doesn’t.

            I’ve cleaned about half of the peanut butter from the rubber when Ilana looks up and her eyes settle on me. I freeze. I can feel the anger wafting off Ilana but I don’t dare move.

            “Mika. What did I say?” Ilana’s voice is serious. “Off the couch.”

            I don’t move.

            Ilana puts down her pencil. “One. Two.”

            I wonder what comes after two. I’ve never tried to find out before.

            There’s a beat of silence. Ilana stares at me. I stare back at her. The space between us is full and hot.

            Scottie gets up. He walks over to me. He takes my KONG and drops it on the floor. He walks back to Ilana and lays at her feet again.

            “Good boy.” Ilana pats him. Scottie looks up at her and lolls his tongue. Ilana goes back to drawing.

            Scottie looks at me for a moment and I swear he’s grinning.

            Refusing to let him win. I pick up the KONG, lift my head high, and prance back into his crate. I’ll finish the whole thing in there and then I might just take a nap for good measure. After I roll my scent all over his blanket, that is.